Player Profiles

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Rod Phillips

 

Handicap 14. Scratch drinker. Started the outings in 1996 to celebrate his 30th birthday. Won the event in 2011 giving up the unenviable tag of "Best player to have never won a major". This has now been passed on to Steve McGrath. He has consistently been in the top 5 since 2000 and is currently sitting at the top of the Order of Merit with a record score of 154 points. Almost became the first person to defend the title in 2012 but a visit to the pond on the 18th hole at Piperdam ultimately cost him the championship.

 

Dod Gray

Handicap 13. An ever present member of the tour, who is desperate to win the trophy. If he hits the ball right, it's a slice. If it goes left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle. He's the outing treasurer - ie the kitty organiser in charge of maintaining the stock of beer and nips in the clubhouse, and for the carry-out for the journey home. Managed to avoid winning the inaugaral M & S cup in 2009 by actually scoring points on the 17th and 18th holes giving him a one point advantage over last position. Following a poor effort in 2010 he has climbed to number 2 in the Order of Merit following a thrid place in 2012..

 

Steve McGrath

Handicap 8. Another stalwart of the tour having a 100% attendance record. With a bit more practice could become a scratch drinker. He is also a major sponsor of the outing. Overall, not a bad guy, even though he is a supporter of the Sons of Satan. Another nearly man consistantly in the top 5, but has missed out on the coveted number 1 spot three times. Another who's form dipped when he became a father falling to number 7 in the tour, but he has since managed to regain his form over the last 4 years, and has not been out of the top 3. He has now taken ownership of the 'The Best Player to have Never Won A Major' following the scintillating form of Rod Phillips in 2011. Currently number 3 in the Order of Merit.

 

Phil Sinclair

Handicap 3. The 'King of Culter' is a two-time winner of the Quaich winning the prestigious trophy at Turriff in 1999 and again in 2006 at Deer Park. Widely recognised as the man to beat, he has supported this tournament since its fruition in 1996. It was during this glory period when he was at his peak, not only winning the Quaich but adding three Peterculter Club Championships to his list of honours. He used to practice for the event in the warmer climate of Southern Spain but this coincided with his worst period in 5th Major history. Returned to the top of the Order of Merit in 2008. Has been ranked as number one for 33% of the time since records began in 2000. Since taking up bowls, he has slipped down the rankings and is currently number 4 in the Order of Merit.

 

Derek Wood

Handicap 12. Rookie year in 2006 at Deer Park. Used his hockey ability to great effect until the drink 'kicked in'. Missed out on the 2007 event due to some sort of wedding? Future invites have now to be sent to his new wife. Returned to the tour in 2008 and played consistently average. He is a top sponsor (or at least his boss is) of the event. Hit a rich vein of form on the day of the 2009 event and became champion with a score of 36 points. He is a very efficient golfer that requires to do the minimum - he only played 14 holes in 2009 to win. He has maintained his Order of Merit ranking (5) with consistant performances since winning in 2009.

 

Barry Stewart

Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2010. Although his round was decidedly average, he did win the Nick McLeod Putting competition at his first attempt having mastered the bendy putter. Endeared himself to the 5th Major by donating his winnings to the kitty. Consistant scoring has seen Barry peak at number 6 in the Order of Merit.

 

Rod Phillips Snr

 

 

 

Handicap 20. Former number 1 player on the tour and the first 'Two-Time' Winner, triumphing at Royal Tarlair in 1997, during the monsoon outing when only five players completed the round, and at Glenisla in 2002. Some golfers fantasize about playing a three-ball with Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus - there are times when he'd rather play with Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. He is now an official member of The 5th Major Senior Tour. Unfortunately missed the 2009 event after gaining the only stroke that he wished he'd never had. Returned to action in 2010 and slowly climbed the rankings to number 7 in the Order of Merit.

Matthew Reilly

Handicap 32. Had only played 2 rounds of golf before his rookie year in 2009. Big Bobs number one son and he must take his golfing ability from his mothers side of the family. He provided the highlight of the day by finishing higher up the leaderboard than Bob - seeing Bobs reaction was priceless. However he proved this was not a 'flash-in-the-pan' and again surpassed his old man's total by 9 points in 2010. Exceeded all expectations in 2012 when he won the 5th Major with a massive score of 41 points and he has climbed the ranking list in the Order of Merit and is at number 8.

 

Stuart Meade

 

Handicap 9. Rookie year in 2008. Was seen as a good outside bet for the title before the weekend started but the wheels came off the cart during the Saturday night out when he was mixing it with the scratch drinkers. As well as having a disappointing 5th Major, he also had a disappointing effort in chatting up the bar staff. Improved in 2009 by nearly doubling his stableford score and after an consistant performances since 2010 he has remarkably climbed to 9 on the Order of Merit and ih the highest ranked Meade. He is still a high handicapper when it comes to drinking.

 

Stewart McBain

 

 

Handicap 6. Winner in his rookie year in 2001 at Strathmore Golf Centre. He is still coming to terms with having to fill the Quaich with Drambuie and watch everyone else drink the contents - it has been suspected that he threw the tournament in 2002. Also known as 'Hubble' he was awarded a massive clothing sponsorship from Shore Porters after winning in 2001. Another scratch drinker but a high handicapper when it comes to style. Officially has now joined the Seniors tour after reaching the ripe old age of 50. Currently ranked number 10, slowly climbing back up the Order of Merit having missed both the 2008 and 2009 events due to holidays.

 

Gary Wood

Handicap 4. Rookie year in 2007. Soon got into the swing of things - 10 minutes into the journey and the first beer was finished. Continued at a steady pace throughout the weekend. On the day of the 5th Major, a damp day, he spent an extraordinary amout of money in the club shop buying a waterproof jacket as he forgot to take the one his wife bought him. Ann, if you're reading this, it cost him a fortune. Entered the Rogues Gallery at the first attempt when he disgraced himself on the journey home. Fortunately he was alert enough to dispose his bag of sick into the nearest waste bucket at the station. If photographic proof was available he would have again entered Rogues Gallery in 2009 as many believe he was the phantom spewer. Climbed the rankings to number 5 on the tour Order of Merit following decent rounds in 2009 and 2010.

 

Ian Trotter

 

Handicap 25. Ian is the 2008 champion winning his first major with 32 points. Provided the tour with the shortest winning speech in memory looking quite overawed that he had actually won! Ian holds the record for the most nicknames - The Chief, The Duke, Larry (Shut That Door), The Fairmer and curiously Sweet Cheeks???. The drunkest man at Strathmore 2001. Has always wondered how he got back to his hotel room. He once went for a lesson and the reason the golf pro told him to keep his head down was so Ian couldn't see him laughing. Winner of the 1st putting competition at Fraserburgh in 1999. He is also an official member of The 5th Major Senior Tour. Had a great defence of his title in 2009 moving up 4 places in the rankings and following a very average performance in 2010 has dropped to number 6 in the Order of Merit.

 

Gavin Bain

Handicap 17. A rookie in 2004 and came in 4th place. He caused a right stooshie with his golf handicap, but proved to be a good genuine low handicap drinker. Another major sponsor of the event and he is now unofficially the Tours' Legal advisor. Scored a 'nett' hole in one in the 2009 event at the par 3 fifth - this being the only highlight of his round. Moved up nine places in the rankings after a top 5 finish in 2010 and is currently ranked 7 on the Order of Merit.

 

Bernie Duncan

 

Handicap 28. Rookie year in 2005. Suffers from standing too close to the ball after he has hit it. Suffered in 2009 after losing the services of his 'coach' - Rod Snr - resulting in a 27% loss of performance from 2008. he did however break and following a mid-table performance in 2010 has climbed to number 8 in the Order of Merit.

 

Nick Frost

Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2002 and Wee Frosty made a great challenge for the trophy. Is using the Dunsmuir philosophy of 'buying the best' to improve his game, which appears to be working. Consistant player who has not finished out of the top three in the last few years. He became the tours number 1 player in 2005 narrowly missing out on the championship on a count-back. An enforced extra-ordinary handicap committee meeting was held before the 2006 event to adjust this bandits' handicap. Entered the Rogues Gallery in 2006 but claimed it was Bobs fault that he spewed. Missed out on the 2008 event and slipped down the rankings. The expectant dip in form following his marriage didn't materialise in 2009 and he has consolidated his ranking to 10 in the Order of Merit.

 

Jim Wright 

 

Handicap 17. Rookie year in 2005. A commendable performance after admitting to be overawed in the drinking prowess of the seasoned tour members. Witnesses suggest that he wastes alot of great shots on the practise swing. A top sponsor and supporter of the event and peaked at number 8 in the rankings, however normal service returned in 2010 which saw Jim drop to number 11 in the Order of Merit.

 

Bob Reilly

 

Handicap 8. Made his first appearance at Fraserburgh in 2000 and was one of the early favourites until the 1st tee. He has a wonderful short game...unfortunately it is off the tee. Could have been a real contender in seasons 2001 - 2006 if he'd followed the advice from Scottish Slimmers, but he misread the advice and followed the 'Aitkens' diet. Known as 'Big Bob'. Has a habit of sharing the contents of his stomach and is a 'scratch' spewer - he is the original member of the Rogues Gallery. He achieved his ambition in 2007 by winning The Quaich at Kinross but had a poor defence at Drumoig posting his lowest score of 22 points. Some believe that he threw his game so that he would not have to buy the Drambuie. His son Matthew, playing in his first round of his life, finished above him in 2009. This had an obvious effect on him as he was again beaten by his non-golfing son in 2010. He has slowly fallen down the rankings since peaking at number 2 in 2007 and is currently ranked number 12 in the Order of Merit. He came into his own during the 'Greame Meade Spew Stop' in Dundee in 2010, where he took charge of cleaning up the bus. It was like watching a clean-up scene out of CSI Miami - experience is a wonderful commodity to have.....

 

Iain Ritchie

 

Handicap 15. The Millennium Champion winning at Fraserburgh. Enjoyed a rich vain of form in 2000 by becoming club champion at Newburgh G.C. and competing in the "Evening Express" sponsored Champion of Champions tournament. He was knocked out in the first round after refusing the services of his caddie. He relinquished the title of being the Ian Baker-Finch of the tour, by becoming the champion for the second time at Piperdam 2003, and has the record of being the longest serving No.1 player - 4 years. However, he hit a low point in 2005 when he entered the Rogues Gallery and the Baker-Finch days returned. He is currently ranked 13 in the tour Order of Merit.

 

Nick McLeod

 

Handicap 25. Another regular tour member who always looks the part and talks a good game. Claims he does not like the game but has a knack of performing well during the pressure of competition golf and with a hangover. The best wood in his bag is still the pencil, despite now wielding a 'Calloway' driver. Has a knack of claiming that the last game he had was at the previous outing but he has now been rumbled - he has joined Auchenblae Golf Club and plays on average once/week. Organiser of the putting competition and surpassed himself with the 'flexible' putter in 2010. Remarkably he has consistently been in the top 10 over the last seven years but experienced a dip in form in 2010 just managing to scramble out of last position by one point. After peaking at number 4 in 2007 he has fallen down the rankings to number 15 in the Order of Merit.

 

Iain Sellar

 

 

 

Handicap 24. Hits a good ball for one so small and with broken knees. The only man on the tour with a sawn off putter. The fashion police have been after him for years. Also known on the tour as The Hobbit or the Crazy Frog (particularly when he's had a few). A couple of steady displays elevated him to his highest ranking of number 9, but has resorted to type over the last couple of years. Suffered with the putting competition when the belly putter, whcih was longer than Iain is tall, was produced. After missing the 2008 event he slipped to number 22 in the rankings but a steady performances in 2009 and 2010 has seen him climb seven places to 17 on the Order of Merit. Another 'scratch' spewer and a member of the Rogues Gallery.

 

Graeme Meade

 

 

Handicap 4. Rookie year in 2005 and what a debut. Became the champion at the first attempt marginally winning on a countback. He maintained his early form and was the number one player in 2007. However, what a fall from grace - he has had a 'mare in both 2009 and 2010 (after being the bookies favourite) and has tumbled down the rankings to number 18 on the tour Order of Merit . This has culminated in him being indoctronated into Rogues Gallery in 2010. He has also proved that he cannot count beyond 7 after his efforts at Buzz at Piperdam in 2010.

 

Niall Ritchie

 

 

Handicap 22. Made his debut in 2002 and was so keen to make a challenge he bought a new set of Calloways. He later decided that he was a better drinker than a golfer, but he is crap at Buzz. Took a conscious decision to stay sober in 2005 to look after his brother 'Ritchie the Younger' - very wise...... Consistant performances raised him to peak at number 8 on the tour but missing out on the events from 2006 to 2009 dropped him out of the rankings.Returned to the 5th Major in 2010 where he made an immediate impact and won the event. Now ranked 19 on the tour Order of Merit.

 

Dod Gray

Handicap 13. An ever present member of the tour, who is desperate to win the trophy. If he hits the ball right, it's a slice. If it goes left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle. He's the outing treasurer - ie the kitty organiser in charge of maintaining the stock of beer and nips in the clubhouse, and for the carry-out for the journey home. Managed to avoid winning the inaugaral M & S cup in 2009 by actually scoring points on the 17th and 18th holes giving him a one point advantage over last position. He has slipped to number 20 in the Order of Merit after another poor show in 2010.

 

Dod Laing

 

Handicap 10. Rookie year in 2009 finishing in 15th place. Nephews Graeme, Stuart and Phil tried to re-adjust his handicap to 10 but leaving it at 14 made no difference to the business end of the leaderboard. A low handicap drinker who is tone deaf will endear him to the 5th Major in future years. Winner of the M&S Cup in 2010 with the highest low stableford score of 21 points. He is now ranked at number 21 on  the Order of Merit.

 

Matt Dumphie

 

 

Handicap 26. Rookie year in 2010 finishing in a credible 13th position. He used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing, but now goes to practice slicing without swearing. Enters the Order of Merit at number 23.

 

Jim McCombie

 

Handicap 6. A great joiner and not a bad player. Has missed  the event since 2007, but made a welcome return in 2010. A consistant player who normally finishes in the top end of the leader board. Another scratch drinker and a winner of the putting competition at Strathmore in 2001 and is the undisputed champion of Buzz. It was once mentioned that he could improve his chances of winning if he turned up sober. In 2004 he finally turned up sober, winning the event with a new record stableford score of 42. He has slipped down the Order of Merit to number 24 after missing the event since 2007.

 

Barry Stewart

 

Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2010 finishing in 17th position. Overawed by the golfing prowess of the field, he recovered after a few bevvies and proceded to win the Nick McLeod Putting competition. Enters the Order of Merit at number 25.

 

Kenny MacDonald

 

Handicap 22. Rookie year in 2010 finishing in 20th position. Arrived at the event by car and full of confidence, keen to show off his golfing skills. He soon realised that golf was secondary, got wired into the nips and took the bus home. He had the potential to enter the Rogues Gallery at the first attempt, but was able to gain better control of his guts than he did with a golf ball. Enters the Order of Merit at number 26.

 

John Murray

 

Handicap 35. Rookie year in 2001 at Strathmore. Claimed he was still getting used to his new clubs, but he was just as shite with his old ones. He is however a top class drinker who is always available to give lessons. Rumoured to be getting fit at the health club, but he is only there for 'perv' value. Experimented with a ladies handicap for 2005 which has continued ever since as it has made no difference, scoring an average of  21 points over the last 4 outings. Remarkably he climbed the up rankings after his last event in 2009. He was a late casualty in 2010, after having to call off due to sickness at the last minute. The pressure of being instilled as favourite for the M&S Cup in 2010 played havoc with his guts. He is currently ranked 27 on the Order of Merit.

 

Roger Evans

 

Handicap 6. Roger the Dodger / Welsh Wizard. There was not much wizardry about his play in his rookie year in 2009 after he finished in 11th place. After a steady outward 9 holes the wheels started to come of the cart on the back 9. This coincided with the introduction of Drambuie at the 10th hole. Missed the 2010 event due to work committments and is currently at number 28 in the Order of Merit.

 

Andy Rose

 

Handicap 24. It is just as well he is an accountant. Adding up his scorecard with a calculator would test the resilience of any Duracell battery. Such is the state of his game, he can only improve. Played by far his best tournament in 2003 but has since slipped to number 30 in the rankings after missing the four events. Returned to the event in 2008 and was potentially a candidate for the Rogues Gallery following a heavy session on the Saturday evening. Missed the last two events in 2009 and 2010 and is currently ranked 29 in the Order of Merit.

 

Tony Kerr

Handicap 24. Rookie year in 2009 and has the accolade of winning the inaugaral M & S cup. He did however, 'forget' to fill the cup with amber nectar that is Drambuie! He was unable to defend the trophy in 2010 due to work committments. Currently ranked 30 in the Order of Merit.

 

Andy Buchan

 

Handicap 35. Certainly gets his moneys worth. Hasn't yet grasped the concept that the lowest score is the winner. Doesn't really have a handicap, it's more like a permanent disability. Continually jockeying for position at the lower end of the rankings. Now in his 40's he is preparing for the seniors tour. Required new shoes after being sick all over the ones he was wearing at the after match party in 2003. Scored his highest stableford score at Piperdam 2003 but blew it in 2004, equaling the lowest score of 14 points in 2004. Experimented with a ladies handicap for 2005 but, like John Murray, it made no difference, scoring 15 points. He won the 2008 'Fa's Sharing We Bob' draw at the curry night but after hearing all the stories he arranged a work trip to Houston and had to miss out on the event - The lengths people go to........Missed out on the opportunity to win the M & S cup in 2009 and 2010 due to work committments and he is currently ranked 31 in the Order of Merit.

 

George Christie

 

Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2006 at Deer Park. Showed his age when he graced the 'New Year' type sing-song in the bar with really auld tunes. Won the Inaugaral Nick McLeod Indoor Putting competition by sinking a 30m putt over a ramp, through an obstacle and into the beer mug. Has slipped out of the rankings after missing the last three events.

 

Dave Cunningham

 

Handicap 20.  He has two swings - a beautiful practice and a choked-up one, with which he hits the ball. Without doubt the tallest man to ever grace a golf course. Won the championship in 1998 at Royal Tarlair with a marvellous 41 points. Generally seen as the sensible one on the tour but had the unenviable task of looking after The Hobbit/Crazy Frog. Big D slipped down the rankings having missed the 2008 event and is now temporarily retired from the 5th Major has he has now re-located to Malaysia.

 

Graham Moir

 

Handicap 5. A steady player who in his rookie year in 2004 made it into the top ten. Was full of beans on the bus journey home and was 'gaun up the toon'. However, once back in Aberdeen, decided that a taxi home was a better option. Has slipped out of the rankings after missing the last five events.

 

Ian Dunsmuir

Handicap 21. If having the best gear available meant you could succeed at this game then Ian would kick Tigers arse every time. Best finish came in 1997 at Royal Tarlair when he finished 2nd. However, don't be fooled by that lofty position, as 12 players walked in after 8 holes due to the inclement weather, and Ian scraped 2nd place on a count-back. He once broke 90 and was so delighted that after a couple of drams in the clubhouse to celebrate he forgot to play the back nine. Holds the record for the lowest stableford score (14) and has has dropped out of the rankings. Has slipped out of the rankings after missing the last five events.

 

Gary Phillips

 

Handicap 32. Holds the record for the highest Stableford score on one hole during the Strathmore 2001 event. He scored five points at a par 4, the nearest we have had to a hole in one. Superb at hitting the woods, but has great difficulty in getting out of them. Returned to the tour in 2004 after missing out in 2003 due to injury but further injury has prevented him from playing since and has dropped out of the rankings.

 

Bob Gardiner

Handicap 15.  Always trying to improve his game and has even resorted to the Atkins diet method. However, like Mr Reilly, he tends to follow the Aitkens diet. He'd consider giving up golf if he didn't have so many sweaters. Missed out on the event since 2005 and has dropped out of the rankings.

 

Alan Brown

 

 

 

Handicap 11. Winner in 1996 at the inaugural tournament at Keith G.C. A high handicap drinker who should enrole in a couple of training sessions with John Murray prior to attending the events. A steady player who should have been at all the outings but injury and work have prevented his quest for the double. An improved performance in 2003 saw his drinking handicap being slashed for 2004. Has dropped out of the rankings having missed the last seven events.

 

Cammy McLean

 

Handicap 23. Made his debut in 2000 amid controversy in his claimed handicap. However, after a promising start we were left wondering if 23 was for the first 9 holes. Missed the Glenisla event due to a 'bad back', but this excuse will not result in a handicap increase. A good performance in 2003 shot him up the rankings to number 10 but since emigrating to Baku, he has  dropped out of the rankings.

 

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