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Rod Phillips
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Handicap 14. Scratch drinker. Started the outings in 1996 to
celebrate his 30th birthday. Won the event in 2011 giving up the
unenviable tag of "Best player to have never won a major".
This has now been passed on to Steve McGrath. He has consistently
been in the top 5 since 2000 and is currently sitting at the top of
the Order
of Merit with a record score of 154 points. Almost
became the first person to defend the title in 2012 but a visit to
the pond on the 18th hole at Piperdam ultimately cost him the championship.
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Dod Gray |
Handicap 13. An ever present member of the tour, who is desperate to
win the trophy. If he hits the ball right, it's a slice. If it goes
left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle. He's the
outing treasurer - ie the kitty organiser in charge of maintaining
the stock of beer and nips in the clubhouse, and for the carry-out
for the journey home. Managed to avoid winning the inaugaral M &
S cup in 2009 by actually scoring points on the 17th and 18th holes
giving him a one point advantage over last position. Following a poor
effort in 2010 he has climbed to number 2 in the Order
of Merit following a thrid place in 2012..
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Steve McGrath |
Handicap 8. Another stalwart of the tour having a 100% attendance
record. With a bit more practice could become a scratch drinker. He
is also a major sponsor of the outing. Overall, not a bad guy, even
though he is a supporter of the Sons of Satan. Another nearly man
consistantly in the top 5, but has missed out on the coveted number 1
spot three times. Another who's form dipped when he became a father
falling to number 7 in the tour, but he has since managed to regain
his form over the last 4 years, and has not been out of the top 3. He
has now taken ownership of the 'The Best Player to have Never Won A
Major' following the scintillating form of Rod Phillips in 2011.
Currently number 3 in the Order
of Merit.
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Phil Sinclair |
Handicap 3. The 'King of Culter' is a two-time winner of the Quaich
winning the prestigious trophy at Turriff in 1999 and again in 2006
at Deer Park. Widely recognised as the man to beat, he has supported
this tournament since its fruition in 1996. It was during this glory
period when he was at his peak, not only winning the Quaich but
adding three Peterculter Club Championships to his list of honours.
He used to practice for the event in the warmer climate of Southern
Spain but this coincided with his worst period in 5th Major history.
Returned to the top of the Order
of Merit in 2008. Has been ranked as number one
for 33% of the time since records began in 2000. Since taking up
bowls, he has slipped down the rankings and is currently number 4 in
the Order
of Merit.
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Derek Wood |
Handicap 12. Rookie year in 2006 at Deer Park. Used his hockey
ability to great effect until the drink 'kicked in'. Missed out on
the 2007 event due to some sort of wedding? Future invites have now
to be sent to his new wife. Returned to the tour in 2008 and played
consistently average. He is a top sponsor (or at least his boss is)
of the event. Hit a rich vein of form on the day of the 2009 event
and became champion with a score of 36 points. He is a very efficient
golfer that requires to do the minimum - he only played 14 holes in
2009 to win. He has maintained his Order
of Merit ranking (5) with consistant
performances since winning in 2009.
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Barry Stewart |
Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2010. Although his round was decidedly
average, he did win the Nick McLeod Putting competition at his first
attempt having mastered the bendy putter. Endeared himself to the 5th
Major by donating his winnings to the kitty. Consistant scoring has
seen Barry peak at number 6 in the Order
of Merit.
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Rod Phillips Snr
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Handicap 20. Former number 1 player on the tour and the first
'Two-Time' Winner, triumphing at Royal Tarlair in 1997, during the
monsoon outing when only five players completed the round, and at
Glenisla in 2002. Some golfers fantasize about playing a three-ball
with Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus - there are times when he'd
rather play with Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder. He is now an official
member of The 5th Major Senior Tour. Unfortunately missed the 2009
event after gaining the only stroke that he wished he'd never had.
Returned to action in 2010 and slowly climbed the rankings to number
7 in the Order
of Merit. |
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Matthew Reilly |
Handicap 32. Had only played 2 rounds of golf before his rookie year
in 2009. Big Bobs number one son and he must take his golfing ability
from his mothers side of the family. He provided the highlight of the
day by finishing higher up the leaderboard than Bob - seeing Bobs
reaction was priceless. However he proved this was not a
'flash-in-the-pan' and again surpassed his old man's total by 9
points in 2010. Exceeded all expectations in 2012 when he won the 5th
Major with a massive score of 41 points and he has climbed the
ranking list in the Order
of Merit and is at number 8.
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Stuart Meade
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Handicap 9. Rookie year in 2008. Was seen as a good outside bet for
the title before the weekend started but the wheels came off the cart
during the Saturday night out when he was mixing it with the scratch
drinkers. As well as having a disappointing 5th Major, he also had a
disappointing effort in chatting up the bar staff. Improved in 2009
by nearly doubling his stableford score and after an consistant
performances since 2010 he has remarkably climbed to 9 on the Order
of Merit and ih the highest ranked Meade. He is
still a high handicapper when it comes to drinking.
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Stewart McBain
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Handicap 6. Winner in his rookie year in 2001 at Strathmore Golf
Centre. He is still coming to terms with having to fill the Quaich
with Drambuie and watch everyone else drink the contents - it has
been suspected that he threw the tournament in 2002. Also known as
'Hubble' he was awarded a massive clothing sponsorship from Shore
Porters after winning in 2001. Another scratch drinker but a high
handicapper when it comes to style. Officially has now joined the
Seniors tour after reaching the ripe old age of 50. Currently ranked
number 10, slowly climbing back up the Order
of Merit having missed both the 2008 and 2009
events due to holidays.
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Gary Wood |
Handicap 4. Rookie year in 2007. Soon got into the swing of things -
10 minutes into the journey and the first beer was finished.
Continued at a steady pace throughout the weekend. On the day of the
5th Major, a damp day, he spent an extraordinary amout of money in
the club shop buying a waterproof jacket as he forgot to take the one
his wife bought him. Ann, if you're reading this, it cost him a
fortune. Entered the Rogues Gallery at the first attempt when he
disgraced himself on the journey home. Fortunately he was alert
enough to dispose his bag of sick into the nearest waste bucket at
the station. If photographic proof was available he would have again
entered Rogues Gallery in 2009 as many believe he was the phantom
spewer. Climbed the rankings to number 5 on the tour Order
of Merit following decent rounds in 2009 and 2010.
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Ian Trotter
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Handicap 25. Ian is the 2008 champion winning his first major with 32
points. Provided the tour with the shortest winning speech in memory
looking quite overawed that he had actually won! Ian holds the record
for the most nicknames - The Chief, The Duke, Larry (Shut That Door),
The Fairmer and curiously Sweet Cheeks???. The drunkest man at
Strathmore 2001. Has always wondered how he got back to his hotel
room. He once went for a lesson and the reason the golf pro told him
to keep his head down was so Ian couldn't see him laughing. Winner of
the 1st putting competition at Fraserburgh in 1999. He is also an
official member of The 5th Major Senior Tour. Had a great defence of
his title in 2009 moving up 4 places in the rankings and following a
very average performance in 2010 has dropped to number 6 in the Order
of Merit.
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Gavin Bain |
Handicap 17. A rookie in 2004 and came in 4th place. He caused a
right stooshie with his golf handicap, but proved to be a good
genuine low handicap drinker. Another major sponsor of the event and
he is now unofficially the Tours' Legal advisor. Scored a 'nett' hole
in one in the 2009 event at the par 3 fifth - this being the only
highlight of his round. Moved up nine places in the rankings after a
top 5 finish in 2010 and is currently ranked 7 on the Order
of Merit.
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Bernie Duncan
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Handicap 28. Rookie year in 2005. Suffers from standing too close to
the ball after he has hit it. Suffered in 2009 after losing the
services of his 'coach' - Rod Snr - resulting in a 27% loss of
performance from 2008. he did however break and following a mid-table
performance in 2010 has climbed to number 8 in the Order
of Merit.
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Nick Frost |
Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2002 and Wee Frosty made a great
challenge for the trophy. Is using the Dunsmuir philosophy of 'buying
the best' to improve his game, which appears to be working.
Consistant player who has not finished out of the top three in the
last few years. He became the tours number 1 player in 2005 narrowly
missing out on the championship on a count-back. An enforced
extra-ordinary handicap committee meeting was held before the 2006
event to adjust this bandits' handicap. Entered the Rogues Gallery in
2006 but claimed it was Bobs fault that he spewed. Missed out on the
2008 event and slipped down the rankings. The expectant dip in form
following his marriage didn't materialise in 2009 and he has
consolidated his ranking to 10 in the Order
of Merit.
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Jim Wright
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Handicap 17. Rookie year in 2005. A commendable performance after
admitting to be overawed in the drinking prowess of the seasoned tour
members. Witnesses suggest that he wastes alot of great shots on the
practise swing. A top sponsor and supporter of the event and peaked
at number 8 in the rankings, however normal service returned in 2010
which saw Jim drop to number 11 in the Order
of Merit.
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Bob Reilly
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Handicap 8. Made his first appearance at Fraserburgh in 2000 and was
one of the early favourites until the 1st tee. He has a wonderful
short game...unfortunately it is off the tee. Could have been a real
contender in seasons 2001 - 2006 if he'd followed the advice from
Scottish Slimmers, but he misread the advice and followed the
'Aitkens' diet. Known as 'Big Bob'. Has a habit of sharing the
contents of his stomach and is a 'scratch' spewer - he is the
original member of the Rogues Gallery. He achieved his ambition in
2007 by winning The Quaich at Kinross but had a poor defence at
Drumoig posting his lowest score of 22 points. Some believe that he
threw his game so that he would not have to buy the Drambuie. His son
Matthew, playing in his first round of his life, finished above him
in 2009. This had an obvious effect on him as he was again beaten by
his non-golfing son in 2010. He has slowly fallen down the rankings
since peaking at number 2 in 2007 and is currently ranked number 12
in the Order
of Merit. He came into his own during the 'Greame
Meade Spew Stop' in Dundee in 2010, where he took charge of cleaning
up the bus. It was like watching a clean-up scene out of CSI Miami -
experience is a wonderful commodity to have.....
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Iain Ritchie
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Handicap 15. The Millennium Champion winning at Fraserburgh. Enjoyed
a rich vain of form in 2000 by becoming club champion at Newburgh
G.C. and competing in the "Evening Express" sponsored
Champion of Champions tournament. He was knocked out in the first
round after refusing the services of his caddie. He relinquished the
title of being the Ian Baker-Finch of the tour, by becoming the
champion for the second time at Piperdam 2003, and has the record of
being the longest serving No.1 player - 4 years. However, he hit a
low point in 2005 when he entered the Rogues Gallery and the
Baker-Finch days returned. He is currently ranked 13 in the tour Order
of Merit.
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Nick McLeod
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Handicap 25. Another regular tour member who always looks the part
and talks a good game. Claims he does not like the game but has a
knack of performing well during the pressure of competition golf and
with a hangover. The best wood in his bag is still the pencil,
despite now wielding a 'Calloway' driver. Has a knack of claiming
that the last game he had was at the previous outing but he has now
been rumbled - he has joined Auchenblae Golf Club and plays on
average once/week. Organiser of the putting competition and surpassed
himself with the 'flexible' putter in 2010. Remarkably he has
consistently been in the top 10 over the last seven years but
experienced a dip in form in 2010 just managing to scramble out of
last position by one point. After peaking at number 4 in 2007 he has
fallen down the rankings to number 15 in the Order
of Merit.
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Iain Sellar
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Handicap 24. Hits a good ball for one so small and with broken knees.
The only man on the tour with a sawn off putter. The fashion police
have been after him for years. Also known on the tour as The Hobbit
or the Crazy Frog (particularly when he's had a few). A couple of
steady displays elevated him to his highest ranking of number 9, but
has resorted to type over the last couple of years. Suffered with the
putting competition when the belly putter, whcih was longer than Iain
is tall, was produced. After missing the 2008 event he slipped to
number 22 in the rankings but a steady performances in 2009 and 2010
has seen him climb seven places to 17 on the Order
of Merit. Another 'scratch' spewer and a member of
the Rogues Gallery.
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Graeme Meade
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Handicap 4. Rookie year in 2005 and what a debut. Became the champion
at the first attempt marginally winning on a countback. He maintained
his early form and was the number one player in 2007. However, what a
fall from grace - he has had a 'mare in both 2009 and 2010 (after
being the bookies favourite) and has tumbled down the rankings to
number 18 on the tour Order
of Merit . This has culminated in him being
indoctronated into Rogues Gallery in 2010. He has also proved that he
cannot count beyond 7 after his efforts at Buzz at Piperdam in 2010.
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Niall Ritchie
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Handicap 22. Made his debut in 2002 and was so keen to make a
challenge he bought a new set of Calloways. He later decided that he
was a better drinker than a golfer, but he is crap at Buzz. Took a
conscious decision to stay sober in 2005 to look after his brother
'Ritchie the Younger' - very wise...... Consistant performances
raised him to peak at number 8 on the tour but missing out on the
events from 2006 to 2009 dropped him out of the rankings.Returned to
the 5th Major in 2010 where he made an immediate impact and won the
event. Now ranked 19 on the tour Order
of Merit.
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Dod Gray |
Handicap 13. An ever present member of the tour, who is desperate to
win the trophy. If he hits the ball right, it's a slice. If it goes
left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle. He's the
outing treasurer - ie the kitty organiser in charge of maintaining
the stock of beer and nips in the clubhouse, and for the carry-out
for the journey home. Managed to avoid winning the inaugaral M &
S cup in 2009 by actually scoring points on the 17th and 18th holes
giving him a one point advantage over last position. He has slipped
to number 20 in the Order
of Merit after another poor show in 2010.
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Dod Laing
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Handicap 10. Rookie year in 2009 finishing in 15th place. Nephews
Graeme, Stuart and Phil tried to re-adjust his handicap to 10 but
leaving it at 14 made no difference to the business end of the
leaderboard. A low handicap drinker who is tone deaf will endear him
to the 5th Major in future years. Winner of the M&S Cup in 2010
with the highest low stableford score of 21 points. He is now ranked
at number 21 on the Order
of Merit.
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Matt Dumphie
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Handicap 26. Rookie year in 2010 finishing in a credible 13th
position. He used to go to the driving range to practice driving
without slicing, but now goes to practice slicing without swearing.
Enters the Order
of Merit at number 23.
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Jim McCombie
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Handicap 6. A great joiner and not a bad player. Has missed the
event since 2007, but made a welcome return in 2010. A consistant
player who normally finishes in the top end of the leader board.
Another scratch drinker and a winner of the putting competition at
Strathmore in 2001 and is the undisputed champion of Buzz. It was
once mentioned that he could improve his chances of winning if he
turned up sober. In 2004 he finally turned up sober, winning the
event with a new record stableford score of 42. He has slipped down
the Order
of Merit to number 24 after missing the event
since 2007.
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Barry Stewart
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Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2010 finishing in 17th position. Overawed
by the golfing prowess of the field, he recovered after a few bevvies
and proceded to win the Nick McLeod Putting competition. Enters the Order
of Merit at number 25.
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Kenny MacDonald
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Handicap 22. Rookie year in 2010 finishing in 20th position. Arrived
at the event by car and full of confidence, keen to show off his
golfing skills. He soon realised that golf was secondary, got wired
into the nips and took the bus home. He had the potential to enter
the Rogues Gallery at the first attempt, but was able to gain better
control of his guts than he did with a golf ball. Enters the Order
of Merit at number 26.
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John Murray
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Handicap 35. Rookie year in 2001 at Strathmore. Claimed he was still
getting used to his new clubs, but he was just as shite with his old
ones. He is however a top class drinker who is always available to
give lessons. Rumoured to be getting fit at the health club, but he
is only there for 'perv' value. Experimented with a ladies handicap
for 2005 which has continued ever since as it has made no difference,
scoring an average of 21 points over the last 4 outings.
Remarkably he climbed the up rankings after his last event in 2009.
He was a late casualty in 2010, after having to call off due to
sickness at the last minute. The pressure of being instilled as
favourite for the M&S Cup in 2010 played havoc with his guts. He
is currently ranked 27 on the Order
of Merit.
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Roger Evans
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Handicap 6. Roger the Dodger / Welsh Wizard. There was not much
wizardry about his play in his rookie year in 2009 after he finished
in 11th place. After a steady outward 9 holes the wheels started to
come of the cart on the back 9. This coincided with the introduction
of Drambuie at the 10th hole. Missed the 2010 event due to work
committments and is currently at number 28 in the Order
of Merit.
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Andy Rose
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Handicap 24. It is just as well he is an accountant. Adding up his
scorecard with a calculator would test the resilience of any Duracell
battery. Such is the state of his game, he can only improve. Played
by far his best tournament in 2003 but has since slipped to number 30
in the rankings after missing the four events. Returned to the event
in 2008 and was potentially a candidate for the Rogues Gallery
following a heavy session on the Saturday evening. Missed the last
two events in 2009 and 2010 and is currently ranked 29 in the Order
of Merit.
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Tony Kerr |
Handicap 24. Rookie year in 2009 and has the accolade of winning the
inaugaral M & S cup. He did however, 'forget' to fill the cup
with amber nectar that is Drambuie! He was unable to defend the
trophy in 2010 due to work committments. Currently ranked 30 in the Order
of Merit.
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Andy Buchan
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Handicap 35. Certainly gets his moneys worth. Hasn't yet grasped the
concept that the lowest score is the winner. Doesn't really have a
handicap, it's more like a permanent disability. Continually
jockeying for position at the lower end of the rankings. Now in his
40's he is preparing for the seniors tour. Required new shoes after
being sick all over the ones he was wearing at the after match party
in 2003. Scored his highest stableford score at Piperdam 2003 but
blew it in 2004, equaling the lowest score of 14 points in 2004.
Experimented with a ladies handicap for 2005 but, like John Murray,
it made no difference, scoring 15 points. He won the 2008 'Fa's
Sharing We Bob' draw at the curry night but after hearing all the
stories he arranged a work trip to Houston and had to miss out on the
event - The lengths people go to........Missed out on the opportunity
to win the M & S cup in 2009 and 2010 due to work committments
and he is currently ranked 31 in the Order
of Merit.
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George Christie
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Handicap 13. Rookie year in 2006 at Deer Park. Showed his age when he
graced the 'New Year' type sing-song in the bar with really auld
tunes. Won the Inaugaral Nick McLeod Indoor Putting competition by
sinking a 30m putt over a ramp, through an obstacle and into the beer
mug. Has slipped out of the rankings after missing the last three events.
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Dave Cunningham
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Handicap 20. He has two swings - a beautiful practice and a
choked-up one, with which he hits the ball. Without doubt the tallest
man to ever grace a golf course. Won the championship in 1998 at
Royal Tarlair with a marvellous 41 points. Generally seen as the
sensible one on the tour but had the unenviable task of looking after
The Hobbit/Crazy Frog. Big D slipped down the rankings having missed
the 2008 event and is now temporarily retired from the 5th Major has
he has now re-located to Malaysia.
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Graham Moir
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Handicap 5. A steady player who in his rookie year in 2004 made it
into the top ten. Was full of beans on the bus journey home and was
'gaun up the toon'. However, once back in Aberdeen, decided that a
taxi home was a better option. Has slipped out of the rankings after
missing the last five events.
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Ian Dunsmuir |
Handicap 21. If having the best gear available meant you could
succeed at this game then Ian would kick Tigers arse every time. Best
finish came in 1997 at Royal Tarlair when he finished 2nd. However,
don't be fooled by that lofty position, as 12 players walked in after
8 holes due to the inclement weather, and Ian scraped 2nd place on a
count-back. He once broke 90 and was so delighted that after a couple
of drams in the clubhouse to celebrate he forgot to play the back
nine. Holds the record for the lowest stableford score (14) and has
has dropped out of the rankings. Has slipped out of the rankings
after missing the last five events.
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Gary Phillips
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Handicap 32. Holds the record for the highest Stableford score on one
hole during the Strathmore 2001 event. He scored five points at a par
4, the nearest we have had to a hole in one. Superb at hitting the
woods, but has great difficulty in getting out of them. Returned to
the tour in 2004 after missing out in 2003 due to injury but further
injury has prevented him from playing since and has dropped out of
the rankings.
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Bob Gardiner |
Handicap 15. Always trying to improve his game and has even
resorted to the Atkins diet method. However, like Mr Reilly, he tends
to follow the Aitkens diet. He'd consider giving up golf if he didn't
have so many sweaters. Missed out on the event since 2005 and has
dropped out of the rankings.
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Alan Brown
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Handicap 11. Winner in 1996 at the inaugural tournament at Keith G.C.
A high handicap drinker who should enrole in a couple of training
sessions with John Murray prior to attending the events. A steady
player who should have been at all the outings but injury and work
have prevented his quest for the double. An improved performance in
2003 saw his drinking handicap being slashed for 2004. Has dropped
out of the rankings having missed the last seven events.
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Cammy McLean
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Handicap 23. Made his debut in 2000 amid controversy in his claimed
handicap. However, after a promising start we were left wondering if
23 was for the first 9 holes. Missed the Glenisla event due to a 'bad
back', but this excuse will not result in a handicap increase. A good
performance in 2003 shot him up the rankings to number 10 but since
emigrating to Baku, he has dropped out of the rankings.
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