Golf  Terminology


Ball Striking

A Richard Hammond - straight down the middle like a rocket then veers off into the rough at the last minute

An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result

A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect

A Rodney King - over-clubbed

An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it

A Condom - safe but didn't feel real good

A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be

A Jamie Oliver - you really want to smack it but you can't

A Glen Miller - didn't make it over the water

A Gerry Adams - a provisional

A Sally Gunnell - ugly but a good runner

A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner

A Bobby Sands - a bit thin

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver 

A Robin Cook - just died on the hill 

A Michael Jackson - gradually fading

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole

A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

A Blondie - a fair crack down the middle


A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't

A Cuban - needed one more revolution

A Douglas Bader - nae legs

An Elton John - big bender that lips the rim

A Gynaecologists Assistant - just shaves the hole

Bunker Play

An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker

Saddam Hussein - from one bunker straight into another

Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand